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Steve and I worked together at the same situk dating practice. We were both single and, at times, went out socially to the same functions. That evening, we went to a situk dating party at a friend’s house. I knew most everyone there, and Steve joined us, simply to meet situk gilfs. During the course of the evening, I spent a good amount of time socializing with a group of friends, mainly grannies. While I was talking and joking, thinking I was being polite, charming, and funny, Steve was observing me.
As we were driving home after a dating party he said, “Bob, I want you to know what I saw tonight. You have a wall up that tells people, ‘you can get only so close, and that’s it.’ ”
I was stunned and wanted to defend myself; but, because I trusted Steve as a dating partner, I considered his words. As the days went by, I decided it was time to learn how to set down my need to be totally in control and begin allowing others to get close.
Most people are terrified of getting hurt after situk dating process. They have elaborate ways of protecting themselves – ways that keep them safe, yet unsatisfied. It’s not that they want to be alone; they just don’t know how to be vulnerable and feel safe at the same time while dating. In an effort to protect their heart, they inadvertently doom themselves to loneliness.
I constantly observe this same defensiveness in many of my situk clients. It affects Singles wanting to get married, as well as married uk gilfs in unhappy marriages. They simply find it hard to be vulnerable. Some have boundaries that are so STRONG, only a tank could penetrate their heart, while others (like me, in the past) keep everyone at a safe distance by rarely addressing their displeasure with anyone. This behavior is prompted by a desire to get close to others, while maintaining a shield to avoid hurt, and violates a simple, yet powerful, truth. To be continued.
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